Dear Facebook Friends,

This just might be my most favorite Blogtember prompt.

Dear Facebook Friends,

I have more than a couple things to say, but I’ll try to keep this short.  I know this is going to be fun…

One, please do not talk about your child’s bodily functions.  Honestly, no one else cares.  No one.  I’m sure even grandma and grandpa cringe reading about the poo your little boy just took and your feedback on the color, size, etc.  And please, don’t give me the “just don’t read it then” line, because by the time I realize what I’m reading, it’s too late.  Just stop.  Your children are adorable, let’s stick to that.  I enjoy seeing the millions of pictures and descriptions of their antics.  But the shit can stay where it needs to be – and that’s in the toilet.

Two, might I humbly suggest that you leave your relationship issues in your home or in your therapist’s office?  I think it only speaks to your immaturity that you feel it necessary to broadcast to the world that your significant other is an asshole.  You might think so, but in some cases, I’m sure he’s not a jerk, you’re just a crazy bee-ah.  Same goes for you, guys.

Don’t be vague.  Because everyone knows what you’re doing.  And that’s begging for attention.  And it’s just plain annoying.  Things like “Some people need to (insert action here)” only get people asking questions.  And that’s what you want.  But as they’re asking, they’re also thinking to themselves, “what an attention whore.”  You don’t want people calling you the ‘W’ word, do you?  Do you?  Karly has also called these kind of people Vaguebookers.  She’s a little bit nicer than I am.

Whew, now that I have that out of my system, here are a couple others for ya:

Post more doggie pictures.  Please?  I feel like I’m alone on an island with my furbabies.  I don’t have any people-babies yet.  I need you all to help me feel un-weird for treating my furbabies like people-babies.

Same goes for funny kid stories.  More, please. Seriously, they make my day.  And it gives me hope seeing that “normal” peoples’ kids do effed up (but, hilarious) things.  It gives me hope that I have the chance to have a normal kid.  Well, as normal as possible anyway.

And before I get too high up on my pedestal, I’ll leave it at that.

Lovsies,

Jess

Blogtember

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6 comments

    1. A lot of people are really hit and miss though! Sometimes they have hilarious things about their kids that I love reading, other times I’ve literally been subjected to details about bowel movements! ha!

      Like

  1. This. Is. Awesome. I’ve thought about creating a FB album for EACH of our pets, but figured that might be too much. I wish there was a special feed for teachers to post “Shit my students say/do”….because that would be awesome. Being a former kinder teacher, I know the material is endless. Happy Friday, and thanks for the laugh!

    Like

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